Let’s talk about self-esteem. It’s a big topic. Let’s talk about how self-esteem and decision-making go together. How are you when you go to make a decision? Are you confident? Do you feel stuck? What about when you go to make a decision, but others don’t agree? Does that immobilize you?
I just asked you to think through a bunch of questions! In my work with clients, and even in my own life, I’ve seen that we can either be loyal to ourselves or to others. Ok, so it doesn’t have to be as black and white as that, but if you make decisions that are for others rather than for you, you will lose a trust in yourself. The small voice inside will be shouting at you, but you ignore it. Maybe you’ve ignored it so long you don’t even know it’s there! Here are a few ways you know you have low decision-making self-esteem:
1. You get immobilized when others don’t agree with your decision
2. You ask everyone and their mom for their opinion
3. You over-think and over-analyze even the smallest decisions
4. You think what others think of you is more important than what you think of you
5. You try to get others to agree with you, or even change others’ opinions to support your own before you can move forward
If you agreed with any of those, DO NOT WORRY! This is completely fixable, but you have to commit a new sense of loyalty. That new loyalty is to yourself. When you go to others constantly for advice, in a way you are saying “I care more about what you want for my life than what I want.” But who knows what’s best for you other than you? If you agreed with any of the statements, here are suggestions to grow in your high self-esteem decision-making:
1. Be still- VERY STILL. Meditate & pray. Not the kind of prayer where you ramble on all your requests, but the kind of prayer where you listen. This will create space for the sacred part of you to speak.
2. Write yourself a note of commitment- Tell your inner voice that you will choose her over what others want and that what she says matters most.
3. Be compassionate to yourself- See if there is any more additional work you need to do with self-compassion. If you think what you have to say is not important, go to the route and find out where you learned that message. Weed it out. You might have learned that from domineering parents, from an unhealthy work environment, even from a friend that didn’t understand boundaries. Wherever it came from, challenge it!
If you want more work on being still and creating a deeper relationship with yourself, check out my course!